Chapter 12 Complications

Bella and I walked silently to biology. I was trying to focus myself on the moment, onthe girl beside me, on what was real and solid, on anything that would keep

Alice’sdeceitful, meaningless visions out of my head.

　　We passed Angela Weber, lingering on the sidewalk, discussing an assignmentwith a boy from her Trigonometry class. I scanned her thoughts perfunctorily,

expectingmore disappointment, only to be surprised by their wistful tenor.

　　Ah, so there was something Angela wanted. Unfortunately, it wasn’t somethingthat could be easily gift-wrapped.

　　I felt strangely comforted for a moment, hearing Angela’s hopeless yearning. Asense of kinship that Angela would never know about passed through me, and I was,

inthat second, at one with the kind human girl.

　　It was oddly consoling to know that I wasn’t the only one living out a tragic lovestory. Heartbreak was everywhere.

　　In the next second, I was abruptly and thoroughly irritated. Because Angela’sstory didn’t have to be tragic. She was human and he was human and the difference

thatseemed so insurmountable in her head was ridiculous, truly ridiculous compared to myown situation. There was no point in her broken heart. What a wasteful sadness,

whenthere was no valid reason for her not to be with the one she wanted. Why shouldn’t shehave what she wanted? Why shouldn’t this one story have a happy ending?

　　I wanted to give her a gift… Well, I would give her what she wanted. Knowingwhat I did of human nature, it probably wouldn’t even be very difficult. I sifted

throughthe consciousness of the boy beside her, the object of her affections, and he did not seemunwilling, he was just stymied by the same difficulty she was. Hopeless

and resigned,the way she was.

　　All I would have to do was plant the suggestion… The plan formed easily, the script wrote itself without effort on my part. I wouldneed Emmett’s help—getting

him to go along with this was the only real difficulty.

　　Human nature was so much easier to manipulate than vampire nature.

　　I was pleased with my solution, with my gift for Angela. It was a nice diversionfrom my own problems. Would that mine were as easily fixed.

　　My mood was slightly improved as Bella and I took our seats. Maybe I should bemore positive. Maybe there was some solution out there for us that was escaping me,

theway Angela’s obvious solution was so invisible to her. Not likely… But why waste timewith hopelessness? I didn’t have time to waste when it came to Bella. Each

secondmattered.

　　Mr. Banner entered pulling an ancient TV and VCR. He was skipping through asection he wasn’t particularly interested in—genetic disorders—by showing a movie

forthe next three days. Lorenzo’s Oil was not a very cheerful piece, but that didn’t stop theexcitement in the room. No notes, no test-able material. Three free days.

The humansexulted.

　　It didn’t matter to me, either way. I hadn’t been planning on paying any attentionto anything but Bella.

　　I did not pull my chair away from hers today, to give myself space to breathe.

　　Instead, I sat close beside her like any normal human would. Closer than we sat insidemy car, close enough that the left side of my body felt submerged in the heat

from herskin.

　　It was a strange experience, both enjoyable and nerve-racking, but I preferred thisto sitting across the table from her. It was more than I was used to, and yet I

quicklyrealized that it was not enough. I was not satisfied. Being this close to her only made mewant to be closer still. The pull was stronger the closer I got.

　　I had accused her of being a magnet for danger. Right now, it felt like that wasthe literal truth. I was danger, and, with every inch I allowed myself nearer to

her, herattraction grew in force.

　　And then Mr. Banner turned the lights out.

　　 It was odd how much of a difference this made, considering that the lack of lightmeant little to my eyes. I could still see just as perfectly as before. Every

detail of theroom was clear.

　　So why the sudden shock of electricity in the air, in this dark that was not dark tome? Was it because I knew that I was the only one who could see clearly? That

bothBella and I were invisible to the others? Like we were alone, just the two of us, hidden inthe dark room, sitting so close beside one another…My hand moved toward

her without my permission. Just to touch her hand, tohold it in the darkness. Would that be such a horrific mistake? If my skin bothered her,she only had to pull away…

I yanked my hand back, folded my arms tightly across my chest and clenched myhands closed. No mistakes. I’d promised myself that I would make no mistakes, nomatter how

minimal they seemed. If I held her hand, I would only want more—anotherinsignificant touch, another move closer to her. I could feel that. A new kind of desirewas

growing in me, working to override my self-control.

　　No mistakes.

　　Bella folded her arms securely across her own chest, and her hands balled up intofists, just like mine.

　　What are you thinking? I was dying to whisper the words to her, but the roomwas too quiet to get away with even a whispered conversation.

　　The movie began, lightening the darkness just a bit. Bella glanced up at me. Shenoted the rigid way I held my body—just like hers—and smiled. Her lips parted

slightly,and her eyes seemed full of warm invitations.

　　Or perhaps I was seeing what I wanted to see.

　　I smiled back; her breathing caught with a low gasp and she looked quickly away.

　　That made it worse. I didn’t know her thoughts, but I was suddenly positive that Ihad been right before, and that she wanted me to touch her. She felt this

dangerous desirejust as I did.

　　Between her body and mine, the electricity hummed.

　　 She didn’t move all through the hour, holding her stiff, controlled pose as I heldmine. Occasionally she would peek at me again, and the humming current would

joltthrough me with a sudden shock.

　　The hour passed—slowly, and yet not slowly enough. This was so new, I couldhave sat like this with her for days, just to experience the feeling fully.

　　I had a dozen different arguments with myself while the minutes passed,rationality struggling with desire as I tried to justify touching her.

　　Finally, Mr. Banner turned the lights on again.

　　In the bright fluorescent light, the atmosphere of the room returned to normal.

　　Bella sighed and stretched, flexing her fingers in front of her. It must have beenuncomfortable for her to hold that position for so long. It was easier for me—

stillnesscame naturally.

　　I chuckled at the relieved expression on her face. “Well, that was interesting.”

　　“Umm,” she murmured, clearly understanding what I referred to, but making nocomment. What I wouldn’t give to hear what she was thinking right now.

　　I sighed. No amount of wishing was going to help with that.

　　“Shall we?” I asked, standing.

　　She made a face and got unsteadily to her feet, her hands splayed out as if shewere afraid she was going to fall.

　　I could offer her my hand. Or I could place that hand underneath her elbow—justlightly—and steady her. Surely that wouldn’t be such a horrible infraction…No

mistakes.

　　She was very quiet as we walked toward the gym. The crease was in evidencebetween her eyes, a sign that she was deep in thought. I, too, was thinking deeply.

　　One touch of her skin wouldn’t hurt her, my selfish side contended.

　　I could easily moderate the pressure of my hand. It wasn’t exactly difficult, aslong as I was firmly in control of myself. My tactile sense was better developed

than ahuman’s; I could juggle a dozen crystal goblets without breaking any of them; I couldstroke a soap bubble without popping it. As long as I was firmly in control

…Bella was like a soap bubble—fragile and ephemeral. Temporary.

　　 How long would I be able to justify my presence in her life? How much time didI have? Would I have another chance like this chance, like this moment, like this

second?

　　She would not always be within my arm’s reach…Bella turned to face me at the gym’s door, and her eyes widened at the expressionon my face. She didn’t speak. I

looked at myself in the reflection of her eyes and sawthe conflict raging in my own. I watched my face change as my better side lost theargument.

　　My hand lifted without a conscious command for it to do so. As gently as if shewere made of the thinnest glass, as if she were fragile as a bubble, my fingers

stroked thewarm skin that covered her cheekbone. It heated under my touch, and I could feel thepulse of blood speed beneath her transparent skin.

　　Enough, I ordered, though my hand was aching to shape itself to the side of herface. Enough.

　　It was difficult to pull my hand back, to stop myself from moving closer to herthan I already was. A thousand different possibilities ran through my mind in

aninstant—a thousand different ways to touch her. The tip of my finger tracing the shape ofher lips. My palm cupping under her chin. Pulling the clip from her hair and

letting itspill out across my hand. My arms winding around her waist, holding her against thelength of my body.

　　Enough.

　　I forced myself to turn, to move away from her. My body moved stiffly—unwilling.

　　I let my mind linger behind to watch her as I walked swiftly away, almost runningfrom the temptation. I caught Mike Newton’s thoughts—they were the loudest—

whilehe watched Bella walk past him in oblivion, her eyes unfocused and her cheeks red. Heglowered and suddenly my name was mingled with curses in his head; I couldn’t

helpgrinning slightly in response.

　　My hand was tingling. I flexed it and then curled it into a fist, but it continued tosting painlessly.

　　No, I hadn’t hurt her—but touching her had still been a mistake.

　　 It felt like fire—like the thirsting burn of my throat had spread throughout myentire body.

　　The next time I was close to her, would I be able to stop myself from touching heragain? And if I touched her once, would I be able to stop at that?

　　No more mistakes. That was it. Savor the memory, Edward, I told myself grimly,and keep your hands to yourself. That, or I would have to force myself toleave…

somehow. Because I couldn’t allow myself near her if I insisted on makingerrors.

　　I took a deep breath and tried to steady my thoughts.

　　Emmett caught up to me outside the English building.

　　“Hey, Edward.” He’s looking better. Weird, but better. Happy.

　　“Hey, Em.” Did I look happy? I supposed, despite the chaos in my head, I feltthat way.

　　Way to keep your mouth shut, kid. Rosalie wants to rip your tongue out.

　　I sighed. “Sorry I left you to deal with that. Are you angry with me?”

　　“Naw. Rose’ll get over it. It was bound to happen anyway.” With what Alicesees coming…Alice’s visions were not what I wanted to think about right now. I stared

forward,my teeth locking together.

　　As I searched for a distraction, I caught sight of Ben Cheney entering the Spanishroom ahead of us. Ah—here was my chance to give Angela Weber her gift.

　　I stopped walking and caught Emmett’s arm. “Hold on a second.”

　　What’s up?

　　“I know I don’t deserve it, but would you do me a favor anyway?”

　　“What is it?” he asked, curious.

　　Under my breath—and at a speed that would have made the wordsincomprehensible to a human no matter how loud they’d been spoken—I explained tohim what I wanted.

　　He stared at me blankly when I was done, his thoughts as blank as his face.

　　“So?” I prompted. “Will you help me do it?”

　　It took him a minute to respond. “But, why?”

　　 “C’mon, Emmett. Why not?”

　　Who are you and what have you done with my brother?

　　“Aren’t you the one who complains that school is always the same? This issomething a little different, isn’t it? Consider it an experiment—an experiment in

humannature.”

　　He stared at me for another moment before he caved. “Well, it is different, I’llgive you that… Okay, fine.” Emmett snorted and then shrugged. “I’ll help you.

”

　　I grinned at him, feeling more enthusiastic about my plan now that he was onboard. Rosalie was a pain, but I would always owe her one for choosing Emmett; no onehad

a better brother than mine.

　　Emmett didn’t need to practice. I whispered his lines to him once under mybreath as we walked into the classroom.

　　Ben was already in his seat behind mine, assembling his homework to hand in.

　　Emmett and I both sat and did the same thing. The classroom was not quiet yet; themurmur of subdued conversation would continue until Mrs. Goff called for

attention.

　　She was in no hurry, appraising the quizzes from the last class.

　　“So,” Emmett said, his voice louder than necessary—if he were really speakingonly to me. “Did you ask Angela Weber out yet?”

　　The sound of papers rustling behind me came to an abrupt stop as Ben froze, hisattention suddenly riveted on our conversation.

　　Angela? They’re talking about Angela?

　　Good. I had his interest.

　　“No,” I said, shaking my head slowly to appear regretful.

　　“Why not?” Emmett improvised. “Are you chicken?”

　　I grimaced at him. “No. I heard that she was interested in someone else.”

　　Edward Cullen was going to ask Angela out? But… No. I don’t like that. I don’twant him near her. He’s…not right for her. Not…safe.

　　I hadn’t anticipated the chivalry, the protective instinct. I’d been working forjealousy. But whatever worked.

　　“You’re going to let that stop you?” Emmett asked scornfully, improvising again.

　　“Not up for the competition?”

　　 I glared at him, but made used of what he gave me. “Look, I guess she reallylikes this Ben person. I’m not going to try to convince her otherwise. There are

othergirls.”

　　The reaction in the chair behind me was electric.

　　“Who?” Emmett asked, back to the script.

　　“My lab partner said it was some kid named Cheney. I’m not sure I know who heis.”

　　I bit back my smile. Only the haughty Cullens could get away with pretendingnot to know every student at this tiny school.

　　Ben’s head was whirling with shock. Me? Over Edward Cullen? But why wouldshe like me?

　　“Edward,” Emmett muttered in a lower tone, rolling his eyes toward the boy.

　　“He’s right behind you,” he mouthed, so obviously that the human could easily read thewords.

　　“Oh,” I muttered back.

　　I turned in my seat and glanced once at the boy behind me. For a second, theblack eyes behind the glasses were frightened, but then he stiffened and squared

hisnarrow shoulders, affronted by my clearly disparaging evaluation. His chin shot out andan angry flush darkened his golden-brown skin.

　　“Huh,” I said arrogantly as I turned back to Emmett.

　　He thinks he’s better than me. But Angela doesn’t. I’ll show him…Perfect.

　　“Didn’t you say she was taking Yorkie to the dance, though?” Emmett asked,snorting as he said the name of the boy that many scorned for his awkwardness.

　　“That was a group decision apparently.” I wanted to be sure that Ben was clearon this. “Angela’s shy. If B—well, if a guy doesn’t have the nerve to ask her

out, she’dnever ask him.”

　　“You like shy girls,” Emmett said, back to improvisation. Quiet girls. Girlslike…hmm, I don’t know. Maybe Bella Swan?

　　I grinned at him. “Exactly.” Then I returned to the performance. “Maybe Angelawill get tired of waiting. Maybe I’ll ask her to the prom.”

　　 No, you won’t, Ben thought, straightening up in his chair. So what if she’s somuch taller than me? If she doesn’t care, then neither do I. She’s the nicest,

smartest,prettiest girl in this school… and she wants me.

　　I liked this Ben. He seemed bright and well-meaning. Maybe even worthy of agirl like Angela.

　　I gave Emmett a thumbs up under the desk as Mrs. Goff stood and greeted theclass.

　　Okay, I’ll admit it—that was sort of fun, Emmett thought.

　　I smiled to myself, pleased that I’d been able to shape one love story’s happyending. I was positive that Ben would follow through, and Angela would receive

myanonymous gift. My debt was repaid.

　　How silly humans were, to let a six inch height differential confound theirhappiness.

　　My success put me in a good mood. I smiled again as I settled into my chair andprepared to be entertained. After all, as Bella had pointed out at lunch, I’d never

seen herin action in her gym class before.

　　Mike’s thoughts were the easiest to pinpoint in the babble of voices that swarmedthrough the gym. His mind had gotten far too familiar over the last few weeks.

With asigh, I resigned myself to listening through him. At least I could be sure that he would bepaying attention to Bella.

　　I was just in time to hear him offer to be her badminton partner; as he made thesuggestion, other partnerings ran through his mind. My smile faded, my teeth

clenchedtogether, and I had to remind myself that murdering Mike Newton was not a permissibleoption.

　　“Thanks, Mike—you don’t have to do this, you know.”

　　“Don’t worry, I’ll keep out of your way.”

　　They grinned at each other, and flashes of numerous accidents—always in someway connected to Bella—flashed through Mike’s head.

　　Mike played alone at first, while Bella hesitated on the back half of the court,holding her racket gingerly, as if it was some kind of weapon. Then Coach Clapp

ambledby and ordered Mike to let Bella play.

　　 Uh oh, Mike thought as Bella moved forward with a sigh, holding her racquet atan awkward angle.

　　Jennifer Ford served the birdie directly toward Bella with a smug twist to herthoughts. Mike saw Bella lurch toward it, swinging the racket yards wide of her

target,and he rushed in to try to save the volley.

　　I watched the trajectory of Bella’s racquet with alarm. Sure enough, it hit the tautnet and sprung back at her, clipping her forehead before it spun out to strike

Mike’s armwith a resounding thwack.

　　Ow. Ow. Ungh. That’s going to leave a bruise.

　　Bella was kneading her forehead. It was hard to stay in my seat where I belonged,knowing she was hurt. But what could I do, if I were there? And it didn’t seem to

beserious… I hesitated, watching. If she intended to continue to try to play, I was going tohave to manufacture an excuse to pull her out of class.

　　The coach laughed. “Sorry, Newton.” That girl’s the worst jinx I’ve ever seen.

　　Shouldn’t inflict her on the others…He turned his back deliberately and moved to watch another game so that Bellacould return to her former spectator’s role.

　　Ow, Mike thought again, massaging his arm. He turned to Bella. “Are youokay?”

　　“Yeah, are you?” she asked sheepishly, blushing.

　　“I think I’ll make it.” Don’t want to sound like a crybaby. But, man, that hurts!

　　Mike swung his arm in a circle, wincing.

　　“I’ll just stay back here,” Bella said, embarrassment and chagrin on her facerather than pain. Maybe Mike had got the worst of it. I certainly hoped that was the

case.

　　At least she wasn’t playing anymore. She held her racquet so carefully behind her back,her eyes wide with remorse… I had to disguise my laugh as coughing.

　　What’s funny? Emmett wanted to know.

　　“Tell you later,” I muttered.

　　Bella didn’t venture into the game again. The coach ignored her and let Mikeplay alone.

　　 I breezed through the quiz at the end of the hour, and Mrs. Goff let me go early. Iwas listening intently to Mike as I walked across the campus. He’d decided to

confrontBella about me.

　　Jessica swears they’re dating. Why? Why did he have to pick her?

　　He didn’t recognize the real phenomenon—that she’d picked me.

　　“So.”

　　“So what?” she wondered.

　　“You and Cullen, huh?” You and the freak. I guess, if a rich guy is thatimportant to you...

　　I gritted my teeth at his degrading assumption.

　　“That’s none of your business, Mike.”

　　Defensive. So it’s true. Crap. “I don’t like it.”

　　“You don’t have to,” she snapped.

　　Why can’t she see what a circus sideshow he is? Like they all are. The way hestares at her. It gives me chills to watch. “He looks at you like…like you’re

something toeat.”

　　I cringed, waiting for her response.

　　Her face turned bright red, and her lips pressed together like she was holding herbreath. Then, suddenly, a giggle burst through her lips.

　　Now she’s laughing at me. Great.

　　Mike turned, thoughts sullen, and wandered off to change.

　　I leaned against the gym wall and tried to compose myself.

　　How could she have laughed at Mike’s accusation—so entirely on target that Ibegan to worry that Forks was becoming too aware… Why would she laugh at

thesuggestion that I could kill her, when she knew that it was entirely true? Where was thehumor in that?

　　What was wrong with her?

　　Did she have morbid sense of humor? That didn’t fit with my idea of hercharacter, but how could I be sure? Or maybe my daydream of the giddy angel was truein the

one respect, in that she had no sense of fear at all. Brave—that was one word forit. Others might say stupid, but I knew how bright she was. No matter what the reason,

though, this lack of fear or twisted sense of humor wasn’t good for her. Was it thisstrange lack that put her in danger so constantly? Maybe she would always need

mehere…Just like that, my mood was soaring.

　　If I could just discipline myself, make myself safe, then perhaps it would be rightfor me to stay with her.

　　When she walked through the gym doors, her shoulders were stiff and her lowerlip was between her teeth again—a sign of anxiety. But as soon as her eyes met

mine,her rigid shoulders relaxed and a wide smile spread across her face. It was an oddlypeaceful expression. She walked right to my side without hesitation, only

stopping whenshe was so close that her body heat crashed over me like a tidal wave.

　　“Hi,” she whispered.

　　The happiness I felt in this moment was, again, without precedent.

　　“Hello,” I said, and then—because with my mood suddenly so light I couldn’tresist teasing her—I added, “How was gym?”

　　Her smile wavered. “Fine.”

　　She was a poor liar.

　　“Really?” I asked, about to press the issue—I was still concerned about her head;was she in pain?—but then Mike Newton’s thoughts we so loud they broke

myconcentration.

　　I hate him. I wish he would die. I hope he drives that shiny car right off a cliff.

　　Why couldn’t he just leave her alone? Stick to his own kind—to the freaks.

　　“What?” Bella demanded.

　　My eyes refocused on her face. She looked at Mike’s retreating back, and then atme again.

　　“Newton’s getting on my nerves,” I admitted.

　　Her mouth fell open, and her smile disappeared. She must have forgotten that I’dhad the power to watch through her calamitous last hour, or hoped that I hadn’t

utilized it.

　　“You weren’t listening again?”

　　“How’s your head?”

　　 “You’re unbelievable!” she said through her teeth, and then she turned away fromme and stalked furiously toward the parking lot. Her skin flushed dark red—she

wasembarrassed.

　　I kept pace with her, hoping that her anger would pass soon. She was usuallyquick to forgive me.

　　“You were the one who mentioned how I’d never seen you in Gym,” I explained.

　　“It made me curious.”

　　She didn’t answer; her eyebrows pulled together.

　　She came to a sudden halt in the parking lot when she realized that the way to mycar was blocked by a crowd of male students.

　　I wonder how fast they’ve gone in this thing…Look at the SMG shift paddles. I’ve never seen those outside of a magazine…Nice side grills…Sure wish I had sixty

thousand dollars laying around…This was exactly why it was better for Rosalie to only use her car out of town.

　　I wound through the throng of lustful boys to my car; after a second of hesitation,Bella followed suit.

　　“Ostentatious,” I muttered as she climbed in.

　　“What kind of car is that?” she wondered.

　　“An M3.”

　　She frowned. “I don’t speak Car and Driver.”

　　“It’s a BMW.” I rolled my eyes and then focused on backing out without runninganyone down. I had to lock eyes with a few boys that didn’t seem willing to move

out ofmy way. A half-second meeting my gaze seemed to be enough to convince them.

　　“Are you still angry?” I asked her. Her frown had relaxed.

　　“Definitely,” she answered curtly.

　　I sighed. Maybe I shouldn’t have brought it up. Oh well. I could try to makeamends, I supposed. “Will you forgive me if I apologize?”

　　She thought about that for a moment. “Maybe…if you mean it,” she decided.

　　“And if you promise not to do it again.”