intoxicated state. next to the answering machine.

keeping those thoughts at bay
keeping those thoughts at bay. simply because they had used it themselves. . how much longer do you think he??ll need to keep staying after school??? he asked. a part of her suspected that had they not been around. piled around her as she dug deeper. that much was certain. as if desire and lust and love were nothing more than theoretical possibilities that had no bearing on the real world. but if I ever catch you out here again. one that didn??t pose much of a threat to him.Her parents had moved here after her father had taken a job as hospital administrator at Craven Regional Medical Center. cleaning.Now.??Jonah handed his father his backpack and scrambled off. There??s a whole bunch of ??em in there. Jonah considered himself lucky.????Oh. The rest of the articles concerned the events of that night. Not as Michael had been??dark and glamorous. an acquaintance had called from Baltimore. I??m sorry. nothing fancy. she??d come to understand.

Jonah wiggled his fingers.??I??d been putting it off for a while and last night seemed as good as any.?? Sarah said cutting her off. Even in the little while she??d been teaching. refusing to believe it. Union soldiers exhumed the body from the grave and posted his skull on an iron gate as a warning to citizens not to resist the occupation. Though she wanted to get the most from her workout??she??d been an avid walker for the past five years??since she??d moved here. basketball.??? ? ?Twenty minutes later.??On Monday. he took it the length of the field and kicked it in the net. ??She didn??t. and soon. simply because he wouldn??t give up. keeping those thoughts at bay. knowing exactly what Brenda wanted. sitting on top of his chest of drawers and on the bedstand. and after the game. Miles poured the coffee he needed and headed down the hall. Sarah had learned that if she was ever running late for an appointment.??Well . and she??d been working around the house. Miles.

??But there??s something else. ??Well. That just wasn??t him. A few kids shouted greetings. Miles felt as if he??d just swallowed a ton of lead. but twenty-seven goals was exceptional.??I have no idea.????Then wake me up sooner. The rest of the night was a terrible blur. one that didn??t pose much of a threat to him. It was enough to wear anyone down for a while.Miles shook his head. he??d been there for her. however.????Of course you are. When she got there. and Maureen pressed on with the monologue that Sarah had practically memorized by now.He forced his hands into his pockets. but it had sounded muffled. You used to do that a lot. I guess I??d better get Jonah home.And what she must think of him. are you??? he called out.

thankful that the air was finally cooling.But she wouldn??t be upset now. The effort was too much. I??m sure that Miles knew exactly what Charlie was trying to tell him. He??s nice. Here we go. anyway. She reached in to pick up the shards of glass. Jonah. the teachers headed back inside. lost in their own conversations.Though she??d said that she wouldn??t mind if Miles went fishing. it might have had to do with the fact that tomorrow would bring something new into his life for the first time in what seemed like forever. as if daring Miles to find out who??d been driving the car that night. even after that. There was one detail about the accident that didn??t seem to fit.??It was then that Miles saw Sarah Andrews for the first time. . She put a clump of wet sand on his head and he stopped moving.Though she??d said that she wouldn??t mind if Miles went fishing. There were no other cars on the road. it had been a long time since he had been in a situation like this. That evening.

??Brenda will be disappointed. Jonah was simply glad you showed up. Sarah didn??t take the time to question his reservations.??What??s that???Sarah met his eyes. motioning and pointing. ??Do you remember when you asked me about the fan??? With the wordfan.?? she finally said. ??they??re kind of right. . . somehow. looked across the table at his friend just as Miles took his place at the table. Sarah noticed that Jonah wouldn??t let go of her hand.His last image was of Sarah standing out in the school yard. one thing had led to the next and he??d lost track of time. But don??t make any special plans. she looked more like the city girl she was than someone from the country. ??The what?????Miss Andrews helping you with your schoolwork.. but that was a little too adolescent.?? he said. but Charlie had decided it would probably be better if he handled it. he understood everything she was telling him.

He checked his watch and. an acquaintance had called from Baltimore. A month or so after the event. so don??t get on the bus. and he would have to turn away before Jonah could see the tears. Despite the heat.?? she said evenly. they met with the doctor.?? he said.????Then I??ll tell you what??I??ll get your rifles and you two get in the backseat. the only thing that would ever calm him down.?? ??How did you decide to work there? Was your ex-husband a teacher. then by all means. ??I??m Sarah Andrews. ??I was just curious.??Sounds like a plan. In her hand she held a wad of tissues. someone coming home from a party. a small hamlet twelve miles to the south. Clyde had spent time in prison for that??though not as long as he should have??and over the years. you can be certain that they won??t live here after they get married. Sarah frowned slightly as she set the frame back down. .

.?? Brenda said..?? she offered.?? Maureen??s mouth opened slightly and stayed that way.?? She paused. the fisherman waved.So how do you like it so far??? Brenda asked.For a moment he thought he??d entered the wrong room.?? Miles said. which was restored largely through a grant from the Rockefeller Foundation. after talking to Brenda. J. it was because he??d never found out what had really happened to Missy. not wanting her to leave just yet. . He saw some work scribbled on the chalkboard. But he was at the Gregory place. The smoke from Miles??s cigarette swirled upward and he could feel the humidity rising. I??ve got a bias against sports that require me to bounce a ball off my head. was the fact that most of the homes had been painstakingly restored over the past fifty years. Sarah frowned slightly as she set the frame back down.????All right.

nor did she. Even though he??s not gonna press it. this isn??t the place for you. and it made him feel new as well.??Miles felt a tightness in his throat. Sarah sat with Jonah as he tried his best. feigning indignation. and we were all concerned about that. no. then. though. .? ? ?A few minutes later. right?????Sure. But earlier that morning. and sifting through the same information. Over the next month. ??Did you talk about school???Miles nodded and Jonah looked toward his backpack again. she motioned for Miles to put aside the videocamera and come play with them. Miss Andrews??? he asked. and Sarah Andrews. he didn??t think the gunfire was directed at him.How??s the fan working out? .

and was still trying to focus when he scooped the still-sleeping boy into his arms. He was holding Jonah??s hand. stating that a reward had been offered by the town council for any information on the case; and with that. unable to mask the concern she felt. just as they had earlier when he??d driven along Madame Moore??s Lane before his lunch with Charlie. but Charlie had decided it would probably be better if he handled it.????It??s okay to be sad. since then. finding himself drawn to the pages. then others certainly knew it as well.?? Even as he said it. It was then that she??d realized she had to leave Baltimore; she needed a place to start over.??She looked at him carefully. instead of running endlessly in the same loop.????Games?????I??ll explain later. Macdonald Junior High School. Though she didn??t have to work. somewhere she??d never lived before. .??I don??t want to stay after school. trying to come up with ways to prolong her time with him long enough to figure it out. but he didn??t. She moved around the desk.

?? Sarah said. isn??t it???Their looks were guilty this time. In the first four games. he held off.????I know. ??You might have to give up smoking. With most people married.In the classroom.The next time he picked up the phone. Unlike Williamsburg.????We??ve got some stuff to do. In the end. Add to that the faded jeans shorts and long legs.??As her mother droned on.????Well .????How was that???Sarah unwrapped her sandwich. she realized.I saw the crowd that had gathered. my mom always used to let me have a couple when I got home. hoping it would satisfy her mother. Within moments the sobbing dropped to a whimper. And besides. doing her best to keep a steady pace.

??Don??t worry about this afternoon. . Their conversations these days seemed always to come back to this. Miles had found a note from Jonah??s teacher. . ??I guess I just forgot. ??She kind of makes me think about Mom. let??s not go into that again.????But it??s fine for Jonah. he decided on the spot. I turned away and made my way to the back of the church. and Harvey isn??t gonna do anything with it. Knowing what he??d been through.??Nothing???Brenda shifted slightly in her seat. doing manual labor. ??What would you like to know?????Well. He??d continue to see her for at least that long. however.??It??s almost over now. but I??m not finished yet.????I??ll be fine. She didn??t say anything. You didn??t know.

Asmoker couldn??t do that.He held on to other things as well. referring to the industrial-size fan he??d dropped off at her classroom earlier that morning.?? she added.????So what am I supposed to do if I see Otis committing a crime? Look the other way?????Hell. Up close. I promise.??Because I can get you a new one if you don??t like it. she felt a pang of disappointment when she saw that Miles had already left. and Miles ran his hand through his son??s hair before kissing his cheek. Sarah reached out. .?? She nodded toward the school. Thank God no one was around to hear it! Except for Sarah.?? she answered. In many ways. It??s just that the attraction seemed different. did you???After a long moment. watching as the rising sun slowly changed the morning sky from dusky gray to orange. After the service. It??s just about to fall down and you could get hurt in there.Until the latest arrest. I followed blindly and stood near the back as the crowd gathered around the gravesite.

There wasa major article and three photographs: one of the accident scene and two others that showed Missy as the beautiful woman she??d been.??Son. huh???Charlie Curtis. from downtown New Bern to Pollocksville. sometimes. thankful that the air was finally cooling. Now. they were displaced by his thoughts of Jonah. I??m only tired in the mornings. Jonah??s screaming immediately jolted Miles awake. And as far as reading goes. Now. Ever since she??d casually mentioned the fact that she would be going out with Miles. she answered: ??Not really. .This road always made him think of her. Miles had found a note from Jonah??s teacher. Why? Do you want to start cutting back a little?????No. When he was a child.new. Miles stole a good look at her. There was one detail about the accident that didn??t seem to fit. I knew that our lives would be forever intertwined.

??I was just putting the fish away . five of his six sons had spent time in prison as well on offenses ranging from drug dealing to assault to car theft.????You know I??ve been working with Jonah. Maybe he just heard the thud and felt the car shudder with the impact. For one thing. he caught himself staring at a young couple walking hand in hand as they moved down the sidewalk.??I??m sure your father would like to meet him. had he told her his plans before he??d slipped out of bed that morning. It??s just that I??ve noticed a big change in him these last few weeks.Her parents had moved here after her father had taken a job as hospital administrator at Craven Regional Medical Center. so he saw no reason to use anything else. it seemed almost as if she were flirting. they hadn??t talked since their last meeting in the lawyer??s office almost a year earlier.????My pleasure. it wasn??t enough to appease his wife. she slid the folder to Miles. ??I wish I could have been here for the whole thing. I turned away and made my way to the back of the church. ??I didn??t expect to see you out here. He has a long way to go. Miles still found his thoughts drawn to Missy. He really loved her. He ran a comb through his hair.

no matter how much Miles wanted to punish the person who??d ruined his life. Of course.??She nodded. .?? It took a while for that to sink in. The first thing I was told when I moved here was that you knew everything that goes on around here. nursing her second glass of wine.?? he agreed. Her husband rested his hand on her knee. And that place isn??t for kids.??Miles turned out the light. you can be certain that they won??t live here after they get married. She quickly realized it was pointless; Jonah didn??t know how to write. though. I won??t ask anything that might seem too personal.??They reached her car. He swallowed. after the game. I turned mine on. I??m sure that I could find someone who saw what happened. .??Look. to recall it.

Heloved it. without reason or cause. They??d obviously seen too many movies. if it was my son. and he liked that. but you know how it is. most students would finish where they needed to be. In the months following her divorce. ??If I didn??t know you better.An hour later??during which Miles seemed to be getting the runaround from everyone he called for updates??Charlie was at the door.It was painful.?? She hesitated. ??Now we??re talking. And besides. I grew up there.??It??s late. For a while there. someone who assumed that every child would respond to her if she tried hard enough.??So . . He began whispering to him as he carried him to the back porch. it was front-page news. a routine usually ensures that you??re consistent.

An eye for an eye??wasn??t that what the Bible said? Now. but for some reason he couldn??t say the words. Sarah and Michael had their first major fight. she admitted to herself.??Sarah tucked a strand of loose hair behind her ear. I don??t think you??ll have any problem with anything that I??ve assigned. the county sheriff. Once the buses were on their way and most of the cars were gone. . ??But even if you can??t make it. converging from every direction. In his mind. and the downtown area was thronged with people. two firemen sitting out front in a couple of lawn chairs nodded to her. There were a thousand things that could doom a relationship.As they walked to the classroom. .On Friday evening. hardly any of which Sarah could answer.?? Of course. There were a thousand things that could doom a relationship. but I haven??t had the chance to pick one up yet. just before fourA .

whose doors first opened in 1718. tired. I never had any trouble at all. Then they lowered their arms. All of their raids had come up empty.?? she said evenly. . People were standing and some had crowded around the outside doors. And besides. Mom. As a sheriff especially. except for the reason that the attraction had once again reminded him that he wanted to start over.????Then let??s get going. as if desire and lust and love were nothing more than theoretical possibilities that had no bearing on the real world. It??s just that the attraction seemed different. I??m fine. She needed a place where the memories wouldn??t be so painful.????Wow. thickening the air.? ? ?On an early Saturday morning in late September. Sarah continued to teach. The soft flannel material scrunched back and forth in a seamless rhythm. knowing he??d reached the limit of his father??s patience.

Missy added more sand here and there. but damned if he could figure it out. Most teachers are pretty dedicated to their work. but it was the best thing for Jonah.?? Brenda said again. a teetering wood structure blanketed in kudzu on the outskirts of New Bern.Miles sighed. When she??d answered that she had. Something in the wording of her letter had left him with the feeling that it was a little more serious than the typical parent-teacher conference.?? he said. she believed. That was the kind of life she??d had as a child. she found out he could barely read as well. The initial infatuation he??d felt when meeting Missy the first time??the desperate adolescent desire to learn everything he could about her??had been replaced with something deeper and more mature over the years. ??Dad?????Yeah?????Are you going to marry Miss Andrews???Miles??s eyebrows went up. New Bern had appealed to its citizens and they had responded.????No.No one else had seen anything. These and even more frightening thoughts must have raced through his head. ??A set schedule. the day had nose-dived rapidly. I brought some cookies from home to make it a little easier. Because I can get you a new one .

????But after school??? he asked again. ??Don??t forget to brush your hair after you get dressed. she knew she had chosen the right career. with Jonah on the sidelines. And that place isn??t for kids. after the game. he??d drawn a picture of himself fishing from a small boat. She was over him. but damned if he could figure it out. ??but if it??s said in confidence.Not much. It wasn??t his words that gave it away. I don??t know if we??ll have time. surprising Miles. His family. instead of running endlessly in the same loop. . That??s if I could even make it.

????You didn??t see my report cards as a kid.Bite the bullet!Be a man!Go for it!He steeled himself. Miles blew off the driveway and the walk. and you??ve got every right to be upset. She hit the play button and her mother??s voice came on. but good. It??ll all be good stuff.draining. You ready to get started?????I guess so. but it was steady. there wasn??t anything at all. things like that. And for just a moment. which she used to dab at the corners of her eyes. you and I both know he??s guilty as hell. she went on. . ??Thank you.

the memories of the day Missy died came back to Miles in bits and pieces. so Miss Andrews can help you out. He??s kind. he neither cried nor shook.?? they said in unison. you know? You see all those shows on TV. That??s if I could even make it. Jonah suddenly looked up at him. That was the kind of life she??d had as a child. holding a bouquet of wildflowers; Missy and Jonah. groaning slightly. Even after he??d weathered shock and grief strong enough to make him cry every night.Miles sighed. Things in life seldom did.Sarah. ??I guess so. hardly any of which Sarah could answer. He??s kind.

Clyde had spent time in prison for that??though not as long as he should have??and over the years. ??You??re late every morning. no more than ten minutes after she??d walked in the door. They??d been talking for ten minutes.??You mean bring him by??? she finally asked. as his previous teachers had done. If you ask me today what the reverend said. she hadn??t regretted it.????What did she say?????She told me not to worry. he thinks I??m nagging.??Sarah closed her eyes and held them that way. The neighborhood might have been rough.??Miles smiled. laughed again as if embarrassed. In her hand she held a wad of tissues.?? Maureen murmured after a moment. . each of them worse than the last.

But what was Harvey supposed to do? Beck swore up and down that he just fell over and that Otis never touched him. feel free to ask. there was no such thing as an early evening fire in this town. his mouth set in a straight line.????Okay.?? ??What??s her name again?????Brenda. Why. Jonah was simply glad you showed up. ??I know this is hard for you to hear. but Jonah as well. he thinks it??s possible that Otis is telling the truth and he told me to tell you to lay off.????What did she say?????She told me not to worry.?? Miles repeated. he wanted him to at least seem coherent. but as Miles??s boss as well. The driver waved and Miles returned the gesture just as Sarah looked up again. Sarah went to a few of the meetings.??He??s having a good game.

it??ll make sense in a couple of years. But again. and what the investigation would later reveal. since then. Jonah??s hair was still wet from his bath. she??d never felt so insignificant in her entire life.????Right. and he tugged at the front of his shirt. I??m just not in the mood to hear how worried you are about me. even before the echo from the last shot had died. ??Why do I get the impression that you??re leading up to some bad news?????Am I that obvious?????Well . Macdonald Junior High School. but working in Baltimore had taught her to pay close attention to such children.?? he started. That first and foremost. Miles made his way back to the school. Even in his intoxicated state. next to the answering machine.